she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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