so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
