I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
