If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Who wears a wallet chain?!
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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