i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
