Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
