did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
