i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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