I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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