I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
