Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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