so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I need a burrito and a hug.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
