VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
