Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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