I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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