Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
