i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Randomize
