is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
