Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
