I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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