Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
