You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
