Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
