Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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