Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
