Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
