found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
