Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
