Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My ass is underappreciated
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
