I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
