So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
