please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
