moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
