Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Sorry my hands just texted you
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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