wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
