I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
