your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
