Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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