He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
