We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
