wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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