Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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