apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
We got so high we made milksteak
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
