we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
