sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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