Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
