found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
