Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
How's work?
Spinning.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
