Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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