I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
